Wild Gravity

I don't like heights.

No, actually I hate them. Standing in high places makes me dizzy. It makes me nauseous. It makes me irritable, uncomfortable, and generally unhappy. It doesn't have to be high... the average 3rd floor balcony of any apartment block is enough to send me retreating like a French soldier.

You can imagine then, that as I stood at the top of the Bloukrans River Bridge, near Storms River, with my toes curled over the edge, looking between my feet at the bottom of the gorge 216m away, I was feeling a tad nervous.

216m? Why that's more than:

a) A 53-storey building
b) The average rushing offense for the Oakland Raiders in a season
c) 215m!

Right, pretty high. So why had I chosen to put myself in a position that would so obviously scare the Dickens out of me? Because I was bungee jumping. From the highest bungee platform on Earth.

Here's how it works: pay your 580 Rand and listen to a 5 minute pep talk. Then walk from the side of the gorge tot he platform in the center. The walkway floor is only an iron grate, so you're already fighting off demons on the way. Get to the middle, have the rope attached to your ankle by some dude, 54321 and you're flying. It's a tight, professional operation and they even have a DJ spinning tracks on the platform so you can listen to Jay-Z's phat beats while pissing your pants in anticipation.

Now I know that bungee jumping has been around for ages and that I'm not exactly conquering new ground by doing it. But have YOU ever tried? I'm not often at a loss for words, but I would have a lot of difficulty describing to you how I felt during those first few seconds of freefall. Your body responds to every sensation (the rushing air, the instantaneous vertigo, the eerie silence) by pumping adrenaline, so by the time you reach the apex of the jump and begin recoiling into a spin towards the top, your heart is beating at an unprecedented rate and you feel as if though you are the greatest person on Earth and that even Beyonce can't resist you now!

The unique thing about bungeeing at Bloukrans is that they don't lower you to the bottom - you hang upside down about 100m up, until someone rappels down, attaches you to himself, and the two of you are hoisted back to the platform. So you spend a lot of time suspended in midair.

And were those few moments of exhilaration worth having to endure the fearsome prelude? Yes. Would I do it again? Uh huh. Conquer your fears and you will be rewarded, young Grasshopper. Besides, driving with my friend Emily is far more dangerous anyway.

Step Into Liquid

Every year, the Billabong Pro Surf Tour showcases the most elite surfing talent at prime break spots around the world. In early July, the Tour makes its only stop on the African continent at South Africa's veritable Mecca of surfing: Jeffrey's Bay.

J-Bay is a small town, though what it lacks it size it makes up for in craziness. Bars, surf shops, hot women, white sand and a Hell of a lot of waves draw people from all over to the shores of J-Bay, and the fervour reaches its zenith during the Billabong event.

Well, I wish I could tell you that I showed up in time for the competition, but I was 2 days late. Could have made it, though I probably would have ended up sleeping in a dumpster because the place books up months in advance. Not to worry though, since it turned out there was a nice surprise waiting for me when I arrive. By the way, sorry Iain, I know you sleep in a dumpster every night, I'm just saying...

J-Bay has six beaches, each of which present surfers with different wave characteristics. The place is blessed with huge ocean swells and consistently high winds, and one look at the trademark surf beach Supertubes leaves you with little doubt as to white the Billabong calls here: it is the longest right-breaking wave in the world. And it is friggin massive.

So, you ask, was I out there with the big boys, strutting my stuff and breaking young girls' hearts? Nope. Hey, I know many of you think I'm crazy, but I know my limits. Supertubes would kill me: 5+ meter swells, jagged rocks, and lets not forget the friendly neighbourhood sharks. So when I arrived in J-Bay, I chose to stay on the shore.

But Kelly Slater didn't.

Slater is the 8-time world champion, undisputed king of competitive surfing. The J-Bay event may have ended, but Slated decided to stick around and practice at Supertubes before moving on to the next event. As if he needed it.

The result was that the beach was still crowded with onlookers gazing in awe as Slater tamed the waves, not so much surfing but writing poetry on the water that would have made Wordsworth sob tears of joy. As someone who has taken a keen interest in the sport of late, it was a true privilege to sit on the shore, quaff a few beers and watch this guy go. It's a little like heading down to your local football pitch only to discover that Becks or Zidane has showed up to kick the ball around.

So to Slater, I say that you are the man. And to Supertubes, I say that I will see you again someday soon. In the water.

I just need to practice on a few less life-threatening breaks first, okay?

Photo Goodness Vol. I

Please enjoy this tasty visual appetizer from South Africa. Captions for the following:

1. Yours truly takes a breather, Buffalo Bay.

2. Through the foliage at the Delheim vineyard, Stellenbosch.

3. A Great White Shark lurks around the divers' cage, Gansbaai.

4. Lion's Head peak as seen through waterfall from Table Mountain, Cape Town.

5. George, our "wine tour" driver, Stellenbosch.