Beyond The Penultimate

Dear Distinguished Reader,

Allow me to be the first to congratulate you for making it this far.

I know, I know. Right now you're saying: what is he talking about? How far have I made it? Why am I due to be praised for having checked this website today? What makes this day stand out from any other? All I did was navigate here to avoid working for a few minutes!

Fret not. The answer is simple, and since it pains me to have to be the bearer of bad news, I'll come right out and say it. So without further ado, let me bring down the hammer: this will be the very last blog post on this website. Ever.

But Mike, why oh why? You've entertained us for so long! I even cancelled my subscription to both the New York Times and Mensa Weekly since I had forsaken them in favour of reading your blog! What do you mean it's over?

I'm sorry, Reader. I wish I could find some way to perpetuate our little arrangement, but I simply cannot. You see, Round the Bend is a website dedicated to my travel (mis)adventures, and in order to facilitate the creation of further posts, I would need to continue traveling. To do otherwise would be a cruel ruse.

Oh. Did I fail to mention something? Well, it seems I've one more bomb to drop. Fine. Here it is: come May 28, my epoch of solo travel will be coming to an end. That evening, I shall touch down at the airport in Edmonton, and at that instant this journey will conclude. Perhaps you'd still be interested in reading about my life there? I can't blame you. After all, I'm definitely worthy of your constant attention. However, it wouldn't fit the marquee you see written at the top of this page. Because while Edmonton is a lot of things, it is definitely not situated round the bend. In fact, it's very much on this side of the bend.

So back to Canada. Back home. Back to competing with my mom for cookery rights in the kitchen. Back to sipping scotch with dad in copious quantities. Back to the house I grew up in. Back to thinking +23C is pretty hot. Back to BBQing on the back porch. Back to hearing expressions like “you hoser!” and “frickin right, eh?” on a daily basis. Back to talking to my grandmothers on the telephone more often than once every six months. Back to Don Cherry and Ron MacLean. Back to using money with hockey players printed on it. Back to clean showers. Back to visiting Jackson and writing a hilarious song about some guy we hated in high school and haven't even seen for 10 years. He still deserves it. Back to sneezing from the poplar fluff that falls every June. Back to mosquitoes the size of pterodactyls. Back to making a hamburger from a buffalo. Back to wheat kings and pretty things. Back to “Clark, Audrey's eyes are frozen... well that's all part of the experience honey.” Back to driving on the correct-hand side of the road. Back to driving, period. Back to standing in lines instead of queues. Back to not offending anyone with the term “homo milk”. Back to eating poutine topped with Montreal smoked meat and perogies, all served on a bagel. Back to bacon being a food group. Back to the start of deer season being a national holiday. Back to having a Prime Minister who doesn't speak French. Or English. Back to a great country... one that will always be there when I need it.

Before I go, I'd like to thank the following people: Mom, Dad, Leigh, Nan & Mo, Grandma, Matt Hud, Ding, Jacko (and Sarah), Iain, Andrew, Brett, Carina, Chris “Big Man” James, Jess, Lou, Nate and Gloves, Pia, Froot Loop, Octavio and Consuelo, Julie, and all the other people who've read my blog and made comments. Your continued interest has made the blog great, although let's face it, I deserve most of the credit.

And it should come as no surprise to any of you that my special thank you goes out to Isis. This trip would simply not have been as amazing had I not met you at the beginning. After all, in the end, you helped shape it by being so awesome as to make me change direction every few months. Words cannot express how great I think you are.


Which is why I want to see you again.

“Little darling of mine
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just don't work out that way.” -Paul Simon

As my last words (on this blog, not in life), I'd like to offer the following bit of wisdom to anyone who cares to hear it:

The world is an amazing place. Go out and see it someday.