Uganda, Alphabetically

My 16 days in Uganda are over. In this post, I offer a summary, with help from everyone's favourite 26 letters.

A for Aussies. I didn't meet too many of them in Africa, but in Uganda I met three extremely nice ones, and we ended up having a great time.
B for Boda Boda. The name given to the motorcycle taxis that whizz around cities and countryside alike, taking you to your destination in kamikaze fashion. Not for the faint of heart, because these guys drive like banshees and disobey most traffic laws.
C for Clean Clothes. I had them washed for the first time since Malawi, two months ago. In other news, no girls have talked to me since Malawi, two months ago.
D for Double. That's what Muzungus pay for nearly everything in Uganda.
E for Ebola Virus. My arrival in the country coincided with an outbreak of this nasty little ailment in the Western region, and even as I write this its spreading towards Kampala. Nothing like bleeding out of your ass and eyes!
F for Fluent English. Most Ugandans speak it, even out in the bush.
G for Giles Foden. The author of The Last King of Scotland, a semi-fictional novel about a Scottish doctor who becomes Idi Amin's personal physician and confidante. It was a pleasure reading this story while in the country, as it highlighted some of the more poignant characteristics of the people around me.
H for Hippos. Gotta love 'em. They're fat, they're slippery, they're loud, they're vegetarians, they kill people and when you pass by them on a Nile River cruise they grunt while staring at you with their googly eyes.
I for Idi Amin. Perhaps Africa's most despotic dictator, and he's had some stiff competition in that department. During his reign of terror, Amin slaughtered his own people, expelled all foreigners, renounced his nation's ties to the Commonwealth, and brought Uganda to its knees. Fortunately, he declared war on Tanzania - a war the Ugandans lost, and Amin was forced to flee to exile in Libya.
J for Jinja. Great place to whitewater raft. And to meet an army of tools, if one so wished.
K for Kampala. Churchill dubbed it "The Pearl of Africa" and it truly is a wonderful city.
L for Lake Bunyoni. This little gem is in the South of Uganda, and I spent my first few days there, swimming and piloting my rented dugout canoe. At one point, while paddling near an island, a local man beckoned me to the shore and asked me to take his mother to the local market on the opposite bank. I obliged, she planted herself in the bow, and off we went. She spoke no English, so she just sang in Bugandan for the trip's duration. Mike's Muzungu Boat Taxi Serivce.
M for Murchison Falls. The most powerful waterfall in the world, situated in the North where the Nile tumbles into Lake Albert. Impressive, and no casinos, therefore better than Niagara Falls.
N for Nile Special Lager. Beer. Enough said.
O for Omweso. A board game played in Uganda (and other parts of Africa, where it is known as bao), wherein players compete to win seeds from their competitor. I bought a beautiful carved wooden board to send home to myself. Someday I'll teach you lot how to play.
P for Plantlife. Uganda is painted in watercolor green from bottom to top.
Q for Qatar Airways. Bought a flight with them while I was here. C'mon, that counts!
R for Red Chilli Backpackers. My Ugandan home-away-from-home in Kampala.
S for Streetfood. I recommened goat brochettes, grilled corn on the cob, banana and cassava pancakes and chipatis stuffed with egg and avocado. The taste is enhanced, seemingly, when your snack is purchased through the window of a minibus.
T for The Source of the Nile River. You can see it in Jinja by paying 5000 UShs to walk up a road to where Lake Victoria starts to drain. Or, you can see it for free by cutting across a golf course and approaching from the opposite direction, though the guard with the massive gun will probably be very sore about it.
U for Ugandan People. Nice bunch.
V for Vindaloo. Had one of the mutton variety at a restaurant in Kampala and it was so hot, I nearly started to cry. But I gleaned the respect of my Aussie brethren.
W for Waragi. The local Ugandan firewater (gin-like and distilled from millet grain). We wanted to buy a bottle at the hostel, but it was 45000 UShs (25 dollars), so instead we paid one of the hostel cooks to take a boda boda to some private grog distributor. She came back with an old plastic jerry-can, half full of some mysterious liquid that smelled like jet fuel and made your eyes hurt when you smelled it. We were fully prepared to flush the stuff, but the hostel bartender had a sip and said it was decent. IT WAS AWFUL. Even the syrupy Fanta Orange couldn't mask the burn. Fortunately, none of us went blind.
X for ? I'm not bothered to even think of something for X.
Y for Yes, Friend! What the boda boda drivers yell at you on their way past.
Z for Zebu Cattle. Cows with astronomically large horns. Do a google image search. The Texans would be impressed.

To conclude, I'll just say that now I know my ABCs, and also that Uganda is excellent.