$33 Beer

Boy, am I ever glad that I'm a Canadian. My country is excellent. We have no history of violence. There is no racial strife, no abject poverty. The crime rate is low, the health care generally good, and the people are nice. We're also not belligerent idiots on the world stage. Yep, suffice to say that Canada is A-1.

That said, there are many other countries on Earth that I wouldn't mind being from. It might be nice to be Norwegian. It sure would be swell to come from Holland. I'd even hazard to say that to be a New Zealander wouldn't be awful.

Bad sadly, there are also many countries that I'm positively ecstatic NOT to be from. Countries where civil wars leave thousands dead. Countries that get plundered by imperial Superpowers in the name of "freedom". Countries where the life expectancy barely exceeds 35. Which countries are these? Well, there are lots, but today we're going to keep it to one: The Democratic Republic of Congo.

The Congolese people haven't exactly had a lot to cheer about. Belgium began plundering their land in the 1800s, and King Leopold III treated the place like his own personal stomping ground.
Next came perennial asshole despot President Mabutu Sese Seko Kuku Ngbendu Waza Banda, whose name meant "the fearless warrior who will go from strength to strength leaving fire in his wake". A more suitable name might have been "the good-for-nothing klepto who spirited away all the country's money to spend on himself"; the man was a serious tool.
Congo is rich in prized natural resources such as gold, diamonds and rubber, and has therefore made some of its neighbouring countries rather jealous. After Mabutu's ousting by Laurent Kabila, there followed a great deal of political infighting, and 9 other African nations joined the fray, all looking for their own piece of the spoils. Sitting at the pole position was Robert Mugabe, who gained control of the Gecamines mineral deposit and pocketed himself a few hundred million. A civil war erupted in 1998, and over 3,000,000 Congolese lost their lives in the next 5 years.

These days things are on the mend, though there's still a lot of work to be done. Joseph Kabila won the presidency in 2005 after a series of democratic (?) elections, but rebels continue to cause problems in the Northeast. Most of the rebels are former Interahamwe, the Hutu militia that was responsible for the Rwandan genocide. Recent turmoil has produced a few million refugees, poorly timed because tourists were just beginning to trickle back into the country. These days, the only foreigners you're likely to find in the DR Congo are UN soldiers.

And me.

Well I'm sorry, but the lure of visiting the Congo was simply too great to resist. From Gisenyi in Rwanda, it's a short hop, skip and a jump to Goma on the Congo side, which makes for an easy day-trip. I took a moto-taxi to the border, paid for the visa, and walked in.

Was I ever nervous. But then again, having convoys of UN armoured vehicles pass you by can do that to you. I didn't enter the Congo to witness a humanitarian crisis first-hand though. My interest in the place was more geolicial than anything else, since Goma was buried by an eruption from the Nyiragongo volcano in 2002.

Aside from the fact that the roads were littered in pyroclastic material, Goma struck me as being pretty normal. That's impressive considering a civil war was taking place in the bush a few hours to the North. The town is a hive of activity, full of colourful people, minibuses and young men transporting petrol drums on wooden pushcarts that look like the predecessor of the American Chopper.

I walked around for a few hours - quickly, so as to appear as if I was on a mission and not to be disturbed. The trick worked a charm, and for the most part the Gomans ignored me, except for this one crippled guy who kept yelling "Whassssssup, my nig*a?????" whenever I passed. Even the Congo has comedians.

I exchanged a few USD for Congolese Francs, and used some to buy a wooden mask from a local artisan. Yes, the ubiquitous African mask... they're all over the continent, but if you're going to own one then it might as well be from the Congo, because this country is famous for them.

When I finally tired to walking, I escaped to one of the posh hotels that line the shores of Lake Kivu, and made directly for the bar. I ordered the biggest, frostiest beer in the cooler, and spent the next 90 minutes sitting at a table, sipping away and watching the sunlight as it danced on the water. I also took the time to read the 8x11" certificate you get when you go through Congolese immigration: a unique souvenir.

Now before you all start reading me the riot act, know this: under NO circumstances would I ever have ventured into the DRC if I hadn't been certain that things were safe. I've no desire to become the innocent victim of a crossfire, and I sought plenty of local information on the Rwandan side before entering.

I'm glad I went. When I arrived, the border official said "Karibu" (you are welcome), and it was an enjoyable experience from then on in. There is definitely an air of uncertainty about the place, but it's the same dark cloud that has been hanging over the Congolese people for more than 100 years. They really deserve better.

All told, the visa cost me $30 and the beer $3. Hence, $33 beer.

"It's not that democratic, it's barely a republic, but it is Congo." -The Lonely Planet