On Safari

Would any journey through Africa be worth its salt if it did not include a safari or two? Paul Theroux thinks so: "That was what visitors did, flying into the international airport that had been built for their convenience, near the animals. But the real country had no connection with that." I disagree. A trip through the African bush is a step into the realm of the Discovery Channel, a glance through a window into the past when the animals roamed free, removed from the fear of being shot or having their habitat consumed by human interests. I say that, if you're here, you might as well go.

My friends concurred, so this past weekend we headed to Kruger Park, 5 of us stuffed into a 1980 Datsun Stanza, in hopes of spotting some strange and wonderful beasts. The Park was the brain child of Paul Kruger, who opened a reserve to the public in 1927. At its inception, Kruger Park was modest in size, though to date it has grown as large as Israel, and is the most highly traveled-to safari destination on the planet.

A strange reality about Africa is that it seems to continually draw the short straw when it comes to just about everything. Raped by imperialists, ravished by famine, plagued by AIDS and beleaguered by poverty... one must wonder just where exactly the bright side of Africa is hiding. Take a safari, and you will see the light: when it comes to having the coolest animals, Africa is the gold medal winner.

Safaris, when portrayed in movies, seem pleasant and straightforward. You put on a funny hat, jump into a Land Rover and spend the day watching prides of lions prance around majestically in front of you. Right? Hmm. In real life, it isn't that simple; fact is, most of the animals are very wary of humans, and therefore elect to spend their time avoiding the roads. Time of day is also a factor, inasmuch as most of the more interesting predators are nocturnal. The only thing you'll catch a leopard doing at 2PM is rolling over in its sleep. As a result, safaris require a lot of diligent concentration and patience. Roads must be navigated slowly, with all eyes fixated outward into the bowels of the underbrush, searching for signs of movement. On occasion, you may be fortunate enough to round a corner and catch a nyala crossing the gravel tracks, but for the most part you must rely on your ability to detect something much less obvious. There are a few tricks you can play to up your chances, however. Finding watering holes is one, since animals tend to congregate there during dry seasons. A more cheesy way is to latch on to one of the big lumbering safari vans, which are operated by guides trained in the art of spotting the good stuff. Every so often then vans will slam on their brakes, and an arsenal of 60000mm zoom lenses will extend out the side, each one attached to the flubbery arm of some mammoth sized German tourist. Follow the line of sight of the cameras, and you'll see whatever is out there lurking.

A quick list of our more satisfying finds: elephant - TONS OF ELEPHANT!!! - white rhino, buffalo, hippo, cheetah, baboons, vervet monkey, crocodile and of course the prerequisite 10,000 impala. The impala are known as the McDonalds of Kruger, since they come with black stripes shaped like an 'M' on their asses, and just about every other animal eats them. We unfortunately missed seeing a lion or leopard, which together with the rhino, elephant and buffalo make up Africa's "Big 5". But that's alright. A few days from now we'll get a second chance during a visit to Chobe National Park in Botswana.

My last $0.02 regarding safaris? They are definitely touristy, even a bit kitsch, and are certainly geared towards the lazy traveling set. If you fly all the way here just to visit Kruger and then return home, having made little effort to soak up any real African culture, waxing poetic all the while about how you've "done Africa", then Theroux's got you pinned: you're lame. But for a country like South Africa, generally immersed in problems, seeing a well-managed reserve such as Kruger is a breath of fresh air. The animals are flourishing - a far cry from the days when tourists used to flock here to shoot them.

To close, your cool fact of the day: safari is the Swahili word for journey.

Klip Kop

And the wildebeest said to me "Please do not come any closer, for under this tree I wait for a mate, and I wish not to be disturbed."

So I replied "Don't fear, for once I capture this moment, I shall move further down the valley floor in search of other faces."

This is the Klipkop Wildlife Reserve, a 2000 hectare area of privately owned blankenveld in South Africa's Gauteng province. For the next month, it will be my place of work. And my home. And where I hang out with zebras. Together with 6 other volunteers, I will be part of a conservation program that aims to protect both the fragile vegetation and the animals on the reserve. My boss is Phalalo Phalalo, a 27-year-old Botswanan naturalist who speaks 9 languages and has a commendable propensity for dropping the F-bomb.

Conservation has many facets, and the level of responsibility for running even such a small reserve is high. Soil must be analyzed for nutrient content, fences checked routinely for holes and burrows, and invader plants killed. There is fire prevention, water testing and poaching control. The game itself must be managed: animals must be counted, sexed (get your head out of the gutter, that means determining the sex), supplementary fed and, occasionally, culled. Most of these tasks are performed by the volunteers, since the reserve receives no government funding and a full-time staff is cost-prohibitive. The job diversity is pleasing. One day we could be building a concrete bridge to allow the Land Rovers better access to the watering holes. The next, we could be driving to the local cow slaughterhouse, picking up donated carcasses to feed to the resident hyena population.

Ever look up from your work and discover that a family of giraffe is watching you? Animal interaction is by far the most enjoyable element of Klipkop. We have kudu, eland, springbok, hartebeest, duiker, wildebeest, zebra, gemsbok, impala and a whole wack of other antelope you've never heard of. Look into the sky, and through the blazing veil of the African sun you will spot birds such as vulture and hornbill. Peer below your feet and you will witness the frantic scurrying of dassie and mongoose. At this point you may be wondering if Klipkop is home to anything slightly more intriguing: lion or hippo perhaps. Nope. Aside from the nocturnal hyena, the place is free of predators. This is a good thing - put one leopard in the park and you'd need a guard with a shot gun escorting the volunteers around at all times.

The animals are certainly not confined to the outdoors, either. The farmhouse I sleep in is home to 7 dogs and 4 cats, all of whom were rescued from less fortunate past lives. It makes for quite a motley crew: one of the dogs is 19 and suffers from incontinence. Another lost its lower jaw to cancer and thus walks around with its tongue permanently extended. A third dog has no rear left leg - an injury suffered when a zebra kicked it. This latter dog is Phalalo's favourite: "Thees ees my dog. Don't fuck eet up!"

I love this place. I spend all day outside. I drive around in rusted out jalopies older than me. I'm constantly filthy. My work/life/existence is like a combination of African safari, summer camp and reality show. And when I get home at the end of the day, I drink beers that cost me 65 cents.

Zebras and cheap beer. Throw in some extremely friendly people and a couple of corrupt governments, and you're well on your way to having Africa in a nutshell.

Go!

Some Guy once remarked that getting there is half the fun. That Guy was absolutely right. And so I present to you the unofficial guide to the various ways to travel around South Africa.

THE BAZ BUS
The hop-on-hop-off, no-brainer method of transport. Buy one ticket and the Baz will drop you in virtually any little town between Cape Town and the Elephant Coast, with door-to-door service. It's safe, efficient and simple and is a great way to meet other travelers. So, knowing as you all do by now that I am an arrogant snob, it should come as no surprise that I avoid the Baz like the plague.

THE REGULAR BUS
An excellent option if you are deviating from the Baz's religiously coastal territory, and much cheaper. Still too expensive for the general public (read: black people).

MINIBUS TAXIS
Lekker, Brother! I've raved about these in a previous post and I still maintain that this is the most 'African' way to travel over both short and long distances. Dirt cheap, full of characters and willing to stop in even the seediest township (slum), these babies leave when they're full and arrive when they Damn well feel like! It goes without saying then that you shouldn't use the minibus if you are (1) in a hurry and (2) not aware that the ride may in fact cost you everything you own.

CAR RENTAL
Go for it, man! Oh by the way, don't leave the car anywhere because it's going to get stolen.

HITCH HIKING
The official story is that no one here in their right mind would willingly pull to the side of the road here - incidents of carjacking are simply too common. However, if you are an unassuming SWM with a backpack then you may be in luck, because there are a number of very nice people here who will gladly take you on board for an hour or two for the price of a Diet Coke. Most of the time you aren't alone, anyway. The pickup truck that drove me from Buffalo Bay to Knysna had 18 Africans in the back.

TRAIN
Wouldn't do it if I was you. Train travel is considered safe if and only if (a) you are not near a major urban center and (b) you are sitting in the 1st class cabin and (c) there is an armed guard on board. Sounds odd, but trains often serve as the only link between the townships of many cities and the cities themselves. This means that the clientele is almost 100% impoverished Africans, and that you, silly white boy with the Ipod, are hopelessly outnumbered. I rode the train for an hour between Stellenbosch and Cape Town and the experience was something out of Boyz in da Hood. Only funny if you live.

And there you have it. Of course there are other ways to make tracks in this country (fly, walk, taxi) but they aren't much different than back home and therefore warrant no discussion. Although, I must say that, unlike in Edmonton, the cabbies here don't smell bad and even seem to know where they are going.