Swazi 101

Since our last episode, I have come and gone through the Kingdom of Swaziland. I'll now pause while you all realize that you know nothing about Swaziland...

...

You shouldn't feel too bad though. Prior to crossing the border, I also knew nothing about it! So here are a few nuggets of information to get us all started:

-Swaziland is an independent nation of 1 Million people and is landlocked by South Africa and Mozambique
-The capital city is Mbabane
-A democratic system is in place, though the nation is still ruled by King Mswathi III
-Swaziland has the highest rate of AIDS infection per capita in all of Africa - 39% of the population is thought to be affected
-The official language is Swati, though English and Zulu are spoken
-The international dialing code for Swaziland is +268

Swaziland may be a small country, but there is lots to do. Of course the list includes the usual game watching/outdoor life/Jack Wolfskin/Look Honey! A giraffe! type of stuff, but I think the real highlight of a sojourn to this place is simply to let yourself get drawn in to the local culture. The Swazi people have made a concerted effort to maintain their traditional customs and values, and the country has that distinctive feeling of Africa "as it ought to be".

One such custom that has stood the test of time is the Uhmlanga Festival, which takes place in September of each year. The celebration lasts an entire week and culminates with the King's choosing of a new wife from a multitude of young Swazi bachlorettes. Girls from all corners of the country flock to the Royal Palace to show off their youthful and virile figures, each girl hoping to become the next faithful servant. I say "next" because the King already has 17 wives, and so this year's winning candidate will be Wife #18. 18 wives? Man. Imagine the Tupperwear parties!

To be eligible for selection, each hopeful debutante must perform the Reed Dance, in which giant stalks of wheat are presented to the Queen Mother. Before the dance begins, the thousands of girls congregate outside the Palace, each one dawning traditional dress and wearing an assortment of colourful bangles. Breasts and bottoms are on display - believe me, I checked.

Though we were unable to witness the actual selection, we lingered around outside the Palace for a good while. All the tourists sat in the shade of a few acacia tress, watching as the throngs of women passed with their staccato voices unifed in song. To the chosen girl goes a brand new life, living in the splendor of royalty and virtually manufacturing children. Since his crowning in 1986, King Mswathi III has amassed a family of over 200 people. That's a lot of birthdays to remember!

While I enjoyed my time in Swaziland, it was only a brief stopver on my way to Mozambique. After 8 hours of travel on 4 different minibuses, I have arrived in Maputo. But before I go, there's two quick things I would like to say:

1. To the person who stole $200 from me in Swaziland, I am going to harm you. Not kill you, for I'd never take a life, even one so miserable and meaningless as yours, so I'll probably just shoot for the knee or something. Whatever you do, don't spend my money on a trip to Mozambique, because I will be waiting for you! And AK-47s are REALLY cheap here, buster!

2. African people are famous for carrying things on their heads. In two months time I've seen everything from sacks of oranges to car batteries, but the first prize goes to the Swazi guy I saw walking along the road with a freshly severed cow's head perched on his noggin. Good on ya, Buddy - that was classic.

Ate mais amigos.