2 Purs & A Gadh

I've recently visited three Indian towns that are of interest. I doubt any of you really care what I did in any of them, so I'll just provide you with a selection of anecdotes about each.

JUNAGADH
What was meant to be only an overnight stop between bus trips managed to attract my attention for a couple of days. The town itself is very unassuming, but it lies in the shadow of a large mountain that is peppered with temples right up to the peak. Many of said temples are Hindu, but the real attraction is the Jain temple that sits perched at the very apex of the slope. To get there, you climb a set of stairs - 5000 of them - that switch back up the rocky cliffs of the mountain face.
This was no picnic. I made it to the top after climbing stairs for two hours, and as I sat staring at the holy ashram though the misty shroud in front of me, all I could think about is that 5000 steps is a shitload.
Fortunately, the path is littered with things to keep you entertained for the duration of your vertical slog. Monkeys inhabit the lower slopes, affording children the opportunity to throw rocks at them. At various intervals, there are Hindu and Jain pilgrims resting, adorned in their traditional costumes for a day of peaceful prayer. I even found a cow sitting on the 4000th step.
Getting down is much more forgiving than the ascent, but by the end I was parched and in need of a beer. Then, as I approached the exit gate I saw a man in clothing so tattered that it failed to even remotely cloak his meat-and-two-veg, and I decided that he needed a beer as well, and I needed about 8.
My plans, however, were vanquished by the local government. Junagadh is in the province of Gujarat - a dry province, meaning no beer. No beer, no 1983 Chablis, and certainly no 25-year-old Macallan Cask Strength.
Thirst-perpetuating brutes! Who ever decided that this would be a good idea? Prohibition is worse than purgatory!
Someone call in the US Army. This country needs new leaders.

UDAIPUR
Perhaps one of the most beautiful places I've seen in months, Udaipur is a town positioned around a large lake, set in the arid hills of the province of Rajasthan. Its principal attraction is the Lake Palace, a majestic, whitewashed, princely estate built by the local Maharaja in 1764. Each night, as the sun sets over the hills, the palace lights up and the city basks in its tranquil splendour. Then, all the useless hippies staying at your hostel start playing their guitars and singing Phish tracks, and your Kodak moment gets ruined.
Happily, there is something fun to do in Udaipur after sunset: Octopussy. Don't get too excited guys, because all I am referring to is the James Bond film starring Roger Moore, which was shot here in the 1970s. Udaipurians evidently relish this fact, because every (and I mean EVERY) bar and restaurant in the city feels obliged to show the film on their television sets each night.
If you're like me, then this is a blessing. I love Bond flicks. However, if you'd prefer instead to make your own visual entertainment, then I suggest you try sipping a bhang lassi and waiting, oh, say 45 minutes.
Feel free to look that one up. I admit nothing.

JODHPUR
Yet another town in Rajasthan, yet another awe-inspiring palace. Jodhpur is a big town, but the entire thing is dwarfed by a ridiculously over-the-top fortress that never once was successfully invaded in its history. I especially liked the front gate of the place, which was bejeweled with iron spikes to prevent rival armies attacking with elephants. I miss the good old days when people didn't have tanks. Back in the 1700s, wars were way more fun.
Jodhpur is known as the Blue City, and for good reason. Practically every second house is painted in aquamarine, and as you peer down at the town from high up on the castle ramparts, it's almost as if you are seeing a crystal clear oasis in the middle of a sandy desert. Mirages! Great fun!
The castle has a tour that comes complete with cheesy audio guides. For the most part, what you're seeing is a bit soporific, but I did like the explanation given for a beautiful carved wood and ivory jewelery box, in the style typically used by Indian maidens 300 years ago. The guide explained how the women prepared themselves for a "night out". I paraphrase:
"To begin, intricate floral patterns are painted on her hands and feet with henna. Kohl is used to accentuate her eyes, beeswax softens her pouty lips, and a tikka is drawn on her forehead with the traditional drop of vermilion. Precious jewels are placed about her body, and soon she glistens in tones of silver, gold, ruby, sapphire and emerald. Her hair is combed with saffron oil, and her wrists and ankles are adorned with sparkling bands that clang like tiny cymbals, such that when she walks, a soft music follows her every step. She is draped in intricately-woven fabrics, a vibrant display of bright colours to accentuate her mocha skin. Her breath is freshed with the exotic fragrance of cloves. Then, she is ready for love..."

Jeez Louise. And you thought YOUR girlfriend took a long time to get ready!

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FYI: Until further notice I will be traveling alongside Dominic, a French-Canadian guy who is simply hilarious. Example? He wanted to visit a town in the Punjab that, according to the Lonely Planet, is famous for its resident Asiatic wild asses. I felt awful having to inform him that, in fact, this meant nothing more than donkeys who don't live in the confines of an enclosure.

In the next post: CAMELS!